This Monkey's Gone To Heaven

News Item:

Astronomers have stumbled upon a tremendous hole in the universe. That’s got them scratching their heads about what’s just not there. The cosmic blank spot has no stray stars, no galaxies, no sucking black holes, not even mysterious dark matter. It is 1 billion light years across of nothing.

Gosh, if these so-called experts had only listened to the Pixies there would be no mystery. It was all explained in the song Monkey Gone to Heaven:

The creature in the sky
got sucked in a hole
now there’s a hole in the sky
and the ground’s not cold
and if the ground’s not cold
everything is gonna burn
we’ll all take turns
I’ll get mine, too
This monkey’s gone to heaven
Rock me, Joe!

By the way, I have not forgotten that I owe you the story of how I saved a damsel in distress in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport by a simple invocation of that same prophetic song, but that remains a story for another day.

Meanwhile, full lyrics below to the fold for all who’s interested;

There was a guy
an under water guy who controlled the sea
got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
from New York and New Jersey
this monkey’s gone to heaven

The creature in the sky
got sucked in ahole
now there’s a hole in the sky
and the ground’s not cold
and if the ground’s not cold
everything is gonna burn
we’ll all take turns
I’ll get mine, too
this monkey’s gone to haven

rock me joe!

if man is 5
if man is 5
if man is 5

then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6

And if the devil is 6
then God is 7
then God is 7
then God is 7

This monkey’s gone to heaven